By Abby Fortune
Senior, English, IUPUI
My entire world came crashing down earlier this year, and it was not all related to the COVID-19 pandemic. This year has thrown a lot of curveballs at us—bush fires raging in Australia, the death of Kobe Bryant, earthquakes, locusts, and now a pandemic—and it seems like the hits just keep coming. From a personal standpoint, 2020 has thrown emotional and mental curveballs at me all in a short period of time.
In the second week of March, right before everything started shutting down due to COVID-19, my year-long relationship ended out of the blue, thus causing me to move back home with my parents. I had been living off campus in an apartment near the Greenwood Park Mall with my, at the time, boyfriend. Moving out of my ex’s apartment also meant leaving behind my 9-month old puppy because my mother is allergic to certain breeds of dogs. Phoebe, a Boxer, Lab, and Dalmatian mix, was such an affectionate puppy, always climbing into my lap to cuddle and sleep. It was not always the most comfortable way to sleep, but not a day goes by where I do not long to feel her next to me again; leaving her behind was the most difficult part of moving back home.
Moving back into my childhood home has been a bit surreal. I had become so used to having my own space and being out in the world on my own, so losing that sense of freedom has been difficult and strange. I feel like a teenager living at home again, and in all honesty, I’m not okay with that feeling. The tension in the house is high, tempers are flaring, and I find myself becoming irritated easily. I love my parents, but I feel our relationship was better when I wasn’t living here. Now that is not to say that I think our relationship has declined, but I think it was easier when I was out on my own and did not have to answer to anyone but myself.
When I was living at the apartment, I still came back two nights a week to see my parents. My mom was always thrilled when I was home, often commenting that I should come home more often. Famous last words, as they say, right? My dad is not overly expressive, but I could always tell he was happy to see me. We never did anything special the nights I was home; it just felt like any normal evening as if I was there all the time. My mom and I would catch each other up on the events of the week, and my dad and I would typically find some way to joke around and tease my mom. I also took advantage of the free washer and dryer—there was no hookup in the apartment. So I enjoyed spending that time with my parents, but I was also always itching to go back to the apartment, to my new home.
Now I am in self-isolation with my parents, only leaving the house if necessary when necessary. And it’s making me go stir crazy, I admit it.
I miss having my own space outside of my bedroom, which has become an obstacle course of crates of shoes, bags of clothes, and boxes of miscellaneous belongings. I keep telling myself that I will get it all organized and rearranged, but I just can’t find the motivation to even start. Times have been hard, and sometimes I wonder if this is the new normal.
Like me, millions of college students have had to move back home and adjust to all their classes going online. Depending on the nature of the class, this could be extremely difficult for many. I know because doing the work for my classes from home has not been easy. I find myself becoming distracted easily and not being able to concentrate on my work. Going from taking American Sign Language as an in-person class to taking it online using Zoom has been difficult. I am required to sit in a space where there is little to no decoration on the wall because anything in the background could be a distraction from my signing. The only room in the house that fits that criteria and has adequate lighting is the dining room, which is off of the kitchen, family room, and staircase so it is not the quietest option, and it is also the room with the slowest Wi-Fi connection.
Aside from the general set up being difficult, learning the language via Zoom is much more complicated than it was with in-person instruction. I have spoken with other students in that class, and we all agree that the Zoom sessions are not helpful and that we would rather watch video lectures every week. Aside from my ASL class, the only class I actually had to go on campus for was my Writing for Popular and Professional Publication class. Thankfully, we were reaching the point of the semester where we would be half online and half in-person, so the transition to being fully online has not been too bad.
Being back home in isolation during this pandemic has been difficult for me for other reasons too. Not only did these events unfold at the same time my relationship ended, they also unfolded at a time when my mental health began to worsen. The more I am in the house, the more I find myself struggling and believe it’s at least partly related to doing my schoolwork. Normally I would make an appointment with my therapist when I’m struggling like I am now, but the pandemic is making that difficult to do so. I have not checked to see if my therapist is offering sessions remotely because I’m not comfortable discussing my struggles in an environment where I could be overheard by my parents. When I am having a more difficult day, I reach out to my close friends to vent. It is not the same as speaking with my therapist, but I know I am still speaking to someone who will listen and let me get my feelings out in the open with no judgement.
While moving back in with my parents has had its difficulties, but there have also been some
positive aspects of being back home. The thing that has had the most positive impact on this situation is that my dad surprised me with a 5-month old Shih Tzu puppy—a breed that my mother has no allergy to. I tossed around a few different name ideas in my head, but ultimately ended up naming him after one of my favorite Greek gods: Apollo. Having him around has greatly improved my mood and mental health, and I find myself not minding the less fun aspects of having a puppy (cleaning up after him, potty training, etc.). Apollo is small, only about 11 pounds and won’t be more than 20, but he has so much energy. He plays with a rope and a monkey that crinkles and squeaks for hours at a time. Having this extra time at home to train him and bond with him has been and will continue to be important and helpful for my mental state.
Besides the new addition to the family, my mother and I have been able to finally sit down and catch up on all the shows we watch together—I think we had around 20 recordings! Our favorite shows are This Is Us, Grey’s Anatomy, 9-1-1, A Million Little Things, and anything with Gordon Ramsay. My mom couldn’t be happier to have me back. I am the youngest of two, so she had been struggling with me not living at home and wasn’t ready to be an empty nester. Now that I am of legal drinking age, we have also been enjoying just sitting around and drinking wine together. We have definitely become closer as I have gotten older, and I think that me not living in the same house for a while helped strengthen our bond. So while I enjoyed having my freedom and being on my own, I cannot deny that I missed being with my mom.
My world may have come crashing down during this pandemic, but I will rebuild it again from a new foundation I am creating now.